雅思写作 雅思作文 批改范文 Restrict Air Travel

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and uses up the world’s fuel resources. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

 

These days, it seems that air travel should be limited because it is a source of air pollution. This raises certain questions about the draining up of world’s fuel resources. Although there are valid arguments to the contrary, in this paper I will argue that it is beneficial for people to use air travel, both written and unwritten. The reasons for this are twofold.

it seems: some people believe that

source: cause of

draining up: expenditure of the

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雅思写作 雅思作文 批改 Healthy

Staying healthy by playing sports and eating well should be an individual’s duty to society rather than a habit for personal benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some sociologists have regarded people’s healthy habits as their obligation only to the community in which they live in. I do not agree with this viewpoint. In my opinion, being heathy can also offer ourselves lots of advantages.

sociologists: The topic doesn’t mention sociologists so when paraphrasing the question be careful not to stray too far from the topic.
heathy: Wrong spelling ‘healthy’
lots of advantages: Awkward sentence – better expression would be ‘be very advantageous to ourselves’.

It has long been convinced that eating healthily can improve people’s physical well-being. By having a balanced diet, drinking more water and eating more vegetables per day, individuals may gain a better physique. They are more likely to protect themselves against obesity or cardiovascular diseases, which are often caused by overnourishment.

overnourishment: Two words here

At the same time, sports activities benefit people in various ways. Doing individual sports allows citizens to develop their physical persistency and endurance, while competitive sports such as basketball and badminton provide participants an opportunity to meet other people who share the common interests. Thus, exercises help individuals become physically stronger, and make them more confident.

the: delete
exercises: ‘exercise’…
help: ‘helps’…

From another perspective, people’s fitness can also do good to the society as a whole. Undoubtedly, some deathful diseases such as SARS and bird’s flu can pose a threat to other residents in a society, and curing those illness may become a financial burden for the society as well. It has been scientifically proven that eating well and working out on a regular basis both contribute to the development of human’s immune system, which is essential in preventing the existence of some spreadable diseases. Therefore, it is also reasonable to conclude staying healthy as the duty of each citizen.

good to the society: Better expression – ‘benefit society’…
the: delete
as the duty: ‘is the duty’…

(254 words)

Feedback:

Word Count is appropriate.

Task Achievement – Very Good 【Band 7.0】

This response addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position, however there is no conclusion! To give an overarching statement you need to summarise your essay with a conclusion.

Two sentences is fine but you need to have a final paragraph (unless you ran out of time!)

Very good examples selected.

Coherence & Cohesion – Very Good 【Band 7.0】

Your essay is logically organised with some very good use of cohesive devices. Some parts are not managed as well as other but certainly your sentences connect well.

Lexical Resource – Very Good – Well Done 【Band 7.5】

The vocabulary used in this essay is very good showing some flexibility and precision of meaning. Inaccuracies occur although they do not deter from meaning.

Grammar & Accuracy – Very Good 【Band 7.0】

A good variety of simple and complex structures is shown. Some awkward expressions are written (See comments) however the majority of sentences are error free.

雅思写作 雅思作文 批改范文 T2 Food

The production and transport of food has been heavily influence by modern technology. To what extent do you think this is a positive development?

It is clear that technology advances Advance Advances用复数 通常表示“设法接近,套近乎,献殷勤”,这时暗含不正当或不适当的意味  has brought us numerous benefits to agricultural industry Food industry  . I personally believe that we should objectively view the influences of modern technology involvement in producing and delivering food. While it has benefits, the negative aspects should not be neglected by us as well.

 
You should give a clear position in the introduction regarding this task. I rewrite your last two sentences in the introduction to make it MORE clear.

While I accept that applying new technology in food production and distribution might have adverse impact, I believe it bring more good than harm.

If you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, then you should write “disadvantages” first, and then write “advantages”.

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