IELTS Writing Task2: planning and paragraphing

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Here's a question that my students looked at recently.

Nowadays many people think that sports stars are earning too much money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Here is my plan for this essay:

  1. Introduction: introduce the topic of high pay for athletes, and make it clear that you totally agree that they deserve the high salary.
  2. First reason: those sports persons may suffer from depression, fatigue and injury; hence they need these much money for recovery or treatment.
  3. Second reason: athletes have a shorter career span; thus they need more money or saving for their retirement.
  4. Third reason: those sports stars bring enormous financial benefits to the society; therefore, it is fair for them to receive higher pay.
  5. Conclusion: repeat your opinion that sports stars deserve high pay.

Pay attention that I put each idea in a separated paragraph in the body part. I recommend all candidates put your ideas in separated paragraph. As in the band 7 marking guide, it mentions that "presents a clear central topic within each paragraph". You can develop as many paragraphs as you want to, and it wouldn't affect your score and the examiners do not care how many paragraphs you write.

Here are two more detailed paragraphs of my first and second reason mentioned above.

Often, it is through depression, fatigue and injury where athletes, entertainers and celebrities see themselves forking out large amounts of money for therapy and rehabilitation. Their contributions should not be overlooked and extensive efforts cannot be replaced which further strengthens and warrants the need for high incomes.

Careers spans for sportspersons are usually short and limited due to the challenging environmental landscape such as demand and completion. For instance seldom do we see the same dash men cementing their presence in the top charts, all the more reason for financial security which would otherwise offset a challenging retirement period.

you can try to write a full paragrahp for the third reason as a practice.

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