IELTS Writing Task 2: free time

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here is a student's essay about one topic from Cambridage 5

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work.

How do you think children should spend their free time?

Nowadays, children are facing more pressure during the school time than before. Some parents argue that children should put more efforts on their study. However, in my opinion, spare time is a dispensable part for children to get relaxed, thus using it appropriately will not only enrich their daily life but also widen their horizons.

Watching TV is always the first choice for spendingleisure time on. It cannot be denied that TV programs are becoming more varied and colourful. Children can absorb knowledge ranges from animals to science, geography to biology from TV. However, spending too much time on watching TV may cause obesity and impair their eye sights. Therefore, children should under parents’ guides to shorten the time of watching TV and to avoid inappropriate contents.

In addition, children should take more outdoor activities such as doing sports or participating volunteer works. Outdoor sports can not only enhance children’s fitness, but also promote the relationships with friends. And volunteer works can enlarge their life experience and foster their motivation of helping others.Moreover, elders need more concern and care. Children can visit their grandparents during the free time to chat with them and be closer to their family members.

Last but not least, various interest classes are flooding into children’s life. They can choose whatever they like to develop their hobbies. Music, language, drawing are the most popular classes. However, parents should treat these classes as opportunities for children to show themselves rather than push too much pressure on their children to compare with others.

To conclude, I think children can learn much more during the spare time than in school. They should arrange time reasonably to improve themselves to fit the society demands.

See my correction here

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