IELTS writing: Lexical Resources

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I have graded thousand of Asian students' papers, and Lexical Resource is always the weakest part for most of them.

Lexical Resource
This area looks at your choice of words. The marker will look at whether the right words are used and whether they are used at the right time in the right place and in the right way. To get a good mark here, the word choice should not only be accurate but wide ranging, natural and sophisticated.

if you want to get 7, for the lexical resource part you need to :

  • uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
  • uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
  • may produce occasional errors in word choice spelling and/or word formation

here is a student work, and how do you think about the lexical resource part of this essay?

Nowadays many people think that sports stars are attracting too much public attention and earning too much money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is a criticism that whether the amount of money given to athletes is worthwhile some populations voice doubt that they earn too much, which is over the reasonable amount that they should have. From my perspective, I advocate that those sports stars deserve the remuneration for following three reasons:

Firstly, what they have paid for their sports career is worth this huge amount of income. It is hard for ordinary people to imagine how tough these trainings are and what they have sacrificed during their childhood. The most significant and easily identified hardship is the high risk of getting injured during training as well as competitions. There is no denying that once they are attacked by accidents, the likelihood of becoming disabled or even paralysis is super high.

Secondly, as is known to all, the appropriate age period is quite short so that they need tremendous amount of salary to cover the expenditure after retirement. It is believed that , for majority of sports activities, the most valuable period is nearly 8-10 years, in comparison to ordinary people who normally work for 35 years. By doing this, it is undoubted that less time are allocated for learning skills which can help them get employed after retirement. Such high wages make sure they can survive after they reach their oldest age for sports.

Last but not least, those astounding benefits brought by sports stars should not be underestimated. Sports can be regarded as a special “business”, which is not only conducive to individuals but also the governments. The increasing popularity of sports races certainly soar the job opportunities because it stimulates the prosperity of host cities.

To sum up, due to those reasons mentioned above, I incline towards that athletes deserve the staggering incomes because of their efforts, limited “working” time and the influences they have exerted on the society.

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I re-write (in red) the main body paragraphs for her.

Firstly, what they have paid for their sports career is worth this huge amount of income. It is hard for ordinary people to imagine how tough these trainings are and what they have sacrificed during their childhood. The most significant and easily identified hardship is the high risk of getting injured during training as well as competitions. There is no denying that once they are attacked by accidents, the likelihood of becoming disabled or even paralysis is super high.
Often, it is through depression, fatigue and injury where athletes, entertainers and celebrities see themselves forking out large amounts of money for therapy and rehabilitation. Their contributions should not be overlooked and extensive efforts cannot be replaced which further strengthens and warrants the need for high incomes.

Secondly, as is known to all, the appropriate age period is quite short so that they need tremendous amount of salary to cover the expenditure after retirement. It is believed that , for majority of sports activities, the most valuable period is nearly 8-10 years, in comparison to ordinary people who normally work for 35 years. By doing this, it is undoubted that less time are allocated for learning skills which can help them get employed after retirement. Such high wages make sure they can survive after they reach their oldest age for sports.
Careers spans for sportspersons are usually short and limited due to the challenging environmental landscape such as demand and completion. For instance seldom do we see the same dash men cementing their presence in the top charts, all the more reason for financial security which would otherwise offset a challenging retirement period.

Last but not least, those astounding benefits brought by sports stars should not be underestimated. Sports can be regarded as a special “business”, which is not only conducive to individuals but also the governments. The increasing popularity of sports races certainly soar the job opportunities because it stimulates the prosperity of host cities. (Rewrite this sentence: Take Olympic as an example; tons of full-time and part-time jobs would be created as a direct result of staging the game. Its benefits will be distributed the hosting country—wide and throughout virtually every sector of the business community—from tourism, manufacturing, retail and personal services (such as media, restaurants and hairdressers) to finance and construction.)

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Comments:

The weakest part is the Lexical resources. Some of the vocabulary sounds really “forced” and the sentences structure needs to be improved as well. See my sentences and hope you can learn some useful expressions.

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