IELTS Writing: ‘Crime’ Topic (continued)

Share:

Here's a recent question from IELTS writing task 2:

Crime is a problem all over the world, and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One of my students wrote the essay below. (Plus my squiggles revision)  Click here for my revised vision in PDF
Crime TopicMy comments:

  • You introduce the topic and answer the question in a simple way, which is good.
  • Your 2nd paragraph gives a common type of crime-juvenile delinquency then followed by a possible way to prevent it. Most of your ideas well-linked; however, your logic needs to be well developed.
  • Your 3rd paragraph has a cohesive problem (the 1st sentence) that will affect your “CC” and you will lose mark on that.
  • Your conclusion should keep consistency and do not introduce new ideas or solutions. Just simple re-state your main body paragraph’s ideas and your point of view.
  • This essay could be improved by reducing the number of GRA mistakes, and LR – sentence structure. (Obviously, there are overuse of cause and effect expressions – ‘hence’ is used many times)

Overall, this essay would already achieve band 6 and nearly in half of the band 7 requirements.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


nine + 3 =

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>